lovewithnight

i've been trying hard to just take time for myself. it's of little consolation, that i have all this time. but i've been doing what i can to force myself to make what i can of it. it finally started feeling like "relaxing" time instead of "i hate this. i'm bored and lonely and miserable" time.

the long weekend for thanksgiving was decent. i decided to take my extra holiday now, since it's been so fucking long since i've had a holiday. i'll work on christmas eve, but i used to do that at the drugstore, and we won't have to stay very late. but in a month, i'll have two three-day weekends in a row. the four days this time was well-needed. went fast, and made monday that much worse, but it was .relaxing.time.

i cooked some things on thanksgiving - a new stuffing, since stovetop has turkey broth AND turkey in it. it wasn't great. but i liked it. and was delicious in a stuffing sandwich the next day - it was a great substitute for my old fashioned thanksgiving sandwiches. a piece of multigrain bread, mayonnaise, which i didn't realize i hadn't had in so long, cranberry sauce, and my stuffing. i also made the green bean casserole for mom, and meatless gravy that fran gave me at our meeting last week. i wouldn't have minded having no substitute, but it was a gift, so i tried it, exploded it all over the kitchen, and then enjoyed it on my little scoop of mashed potatoes. i ended up eating way too much, even though i thought i had it all planned out, and continued on that way for the rest of the week. i re-convinced myself that i can do this at the meeting saturday morning, then accidentally kept eating toffee-glazed cashews and pecans that mom bought all day long. since then, i've made up for it well. but it's only tuesday, so it could easily go either way. i keep telling myself i'm determined that it will go positively. and it will. i've gotten into really negative thinking about it recently, i guess because i haven't been trying very hard, and so haven't been seeing any successes. so that is ending this week.



***
happy december.

so it's been a long time. but i've been sort of miserable, and in no mood to write about anything of importance. it is really comforting to see that the last times i wrote were before the good things... that turned into bad things. and it wasn't a false record, either - i didn't have to come back and delete any of the happy things so i didn't have to see them. i just never got around to writing about the fun parts. which is a fucking blessing. so i think i'll be jumping back in now.

for a few weeks, i was pushing myself to go out and do whatever i could think to do. it wasn't pleasant, and i didn't actually want to be out, in public, or with any friends, but i couldn't consider sitting at home by myself. now, though, the things to do have tapered off... i guess i started feeling more myself, and didn't like forcing myself onto people any more. i'm still really down, but if something is going on, i can more or less distract myself.

anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there. - e. h. gombrich

then comes affliction to awaken the dreamer. - kierkegaard

love from one side hurts, but love from two sides heals. - william shakespeare

i arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. this makes it hard to plan the day. - e. b. white

reality is something you rise above. - liza minnelli

falling in love consists merely in uncorking the imaginatino and bottling the common sense. - helen rowland

the soul wants, the soul waits. and i could never take a chance of losing love to find romance. u2

those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night. - edgar allan poe

don't ask who's influenced me. a lion is made up of the lambs he's digested, and i've been reading all my life. - giorgos seferis

how vain it is to sit down and write when you have not stood up to live. - henry david thoreau

life is a flower of which love is the honey. - victor hugo

one reason i don't drink is that i want to know when i am having a good time. - nancy astor

egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity. - frank leahy

horoscope for the day: "You may go through a period of self-doubt today as the New Moon Eclipse falls in your 2nd House of Values. Reconsider what's most important to you, but don't dismiss the needs of a partner or others in your family. Even if you aren't particularly happy right now, don't look to blame anyone else. Just make whatever adjustments you can and then move on. Things could improve rather quickly if you let them."  Going into it, I knew it wasn't going to be great.  It was the first accurate one I've had all week...  So I was just supposed to brace for it, not look to push off blame for why I'm feeling mildly lousy, and get over it.  I started out doing pretty well, but for some reason, I'm just left feeling sort of alone.  I was feeling good about myself for almost all of the day.  And that's saying something.  So I'll just hold onto that while I'm going to bed tonight.  That's definitely enough for right now, but I still feel like I have to be convincing myself of that...  I just jumped into things too much all day.  Getting my hopes up, for a few different things, and just running with them in my head.  I've always done this, though, so why am I surprised that it's bumming me out?  Ugh.  It's fine.

The parents come home from the shore tomorrow.  I haven't really had enough time alone here for it to sink in this time, but it was nice...  Sprawling out in the living room with my things, having quiet, drinking coffee and doing yoga this morning in the middle of the house...  That's about it though.  Last time I think more time went by, I remember running the dishwasher and rejoicing; things like that.  Hopefully I keep as pleasant as I am right now (however much that is), while I'm drifting off tonight.  I'll have coffee lounging around in the middle of the house again tomorrow, and then they'll be home by the time I get in from work.  I'm rambling because I'm tired, and I think also because I'm trying to keep myself from feeling so much disappointment.  It's frustrating to keep hoping something nice or something fun will work out, and that I'm not the only one having the sorts of feelings I'm having, ever.  It is not at all as depressing as I'm thinking right now.  It never is.  I always have a problem of assuming finality no matter what the situation is, and I know, absolutely, how quickly things can change completely.  It's just hard when one small thing after another doesn't go my way, or any pleasant way.  I need a little bit of hope in between disappointments, and having nothing turn out to be anything.  I guess I did have that Sunday.  Tiny piece of hope as it were, it should have been enough to be calm about for what, 3 days...?  I shouldn't talk to so many people about everything.  They take away what it actually is to me.  When things are small, and casual, even in my head, but I can still be so happy about them for a little while.  It makes everything seem like way too big of a deal when I mention it to other people, and then all the fun is taken out of it.  That's all I was looking for from two days ago...  It was already like I got this sort of validation, and that was plenty to be happy with for a week...  But I talked about it.  And it got blown up, so I ran with it.  And now that's where I'm stuck--it doesn't seem happy, even if small...  It seems not good enough, and like more should have happened, and like I should be able to take things into my own hands more, be better at this.  Well, really, fuck that.  It's plenty enough for now.  So *that's* what I'll dwell on while I'm falling asleep tonight.  The fact that I did what I could to make myself understood, and absolutely it's fine if nothing else happens; what had happened was enough to make me feel good about where I am right now.  And with that, I'm seriously done.  My rambling isn't even making sense silently in my head anymore, hahaha.

i met a woman at the weight watchers meeting this morning who's vegetarian, too.  she's been on the plan for just longer than i've been alive.  and she's been vegetarian for around ten years, because of the plan, she said.  we talked for 15 minutes before the meeting started; we had a great conversation.  she said she found out it was a great way to have points for all the things she loves, because beans and meat substitutes were so much lower in points.  and i found myself agreeing.  when i tried to make a complete meal for dinner, i blew three points on chicken, and i wasn't actually satisfied with it.  there are so many other outlandish ways to get the things i need and be happier with it.  the woman i talked to said that she seems healthier than anyone else in her family.  she said they all have weight-related health problems, and the only medicine she takes is o.t.c. claritin.  exciting, since she rattled off the same things i've been considering--high cholesterol, high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease.  in honor of my newfound veggie happiness, a list of my favorite things over the past 10 1/2 weeks.

vegetarian favorites:

i turn 24 tomorrow.  for weeks, i've been avoiding thinking about it like the plague.  and now, obviously, i'm super excited, and hoping it won't bring me down that i didn't plan a party and didn't tell my mom any present desires i may have had...

i was bummed, i think, because i'm single.  it seemed like everyone around me was planning things for people they were close to, and i was stuck needing to figure everything out myself.  while i was in my birthday funk, i was also very against throwing myself a party because everyone i could think to want here would have been very much in a couple, and there's no way i want to feel lonely on my birthday!

so, i didn't tell mom what i wanted; she's a little sad about that, but so am i.  i didn't want to think about it whenever she asked me.  but they're getting an ice cream cake, and i invited over my brothers and sister.  hopefully they all come, but if not, i'm still happy i put the invitation out...  it's been a while since every one has been here for a birthday.  i'm just excited that it could eventually happen again.  we're going out to our italian place for dinner, four of us, like usual.  and that's always a lot of fun.  and i told people at work to meet me on friday at another italian place for drinks after work.  not sure how that will work out, because i didn't tell as many people as i had thought, and i know some can't make it.  but it'll be nice regardless, i think.

i love birthdays so much.  but i like taking care of them for people i love, not specifically myself...  i get so excited about surprises, and making things, and giving them a cake...  i'll get to do it again.  i've gotta just determine to have a great birthday this year in spite of whatever's going on, and remind myself that i don't actually have to be lonely.  :-)

so vegetarianism has been here for just over a week and a half.  i haven't slipped once.  for mother's day, though, my dad is going to cook lobster tails for all of us.  and i decided before i jumped into this, that this would be one of maybe two or three possibilities that i would allow for.  and because of this, i didn't tell my dad not to get one for me--or, for that matter, that i'm a vegetarian now--so now i'm a little bit stuck.  i know i could say no, and make myself a good vegetarian, but i don't want to break his heart, piss him off, or give them any other reasons to think i'm crazy for deciding to do this.

i told my mama on thursday, before we went out to a dinner for her work, that i decided to not eat meat for a little while.  i told her i want to see how it goes for a bit, that a vegetarian diet could be much healthier, and that since i'm already basically not eating meat, i figured this way i would just be watching a little more closely to make sure i'm not missing out on anything i should be getting in my diet.  so it was fine, we sort of just changed the subject right away, but she didn't seem blown away.  and then later she told me the meat sauce the pasta was in was fine, since i was cutting back for the most part--which i can understand, since i never used the word vegetarian, and she was just trying to be sweet.  and then she kept bringing up the carving station--i don't know if that was her joking, or just forgetting.  either way, it was fine.  but i can't tell my papa yet, and that leaves me with a lobster in a little bit.  it's sort of sad, that i'm just apprehensive about it, but whatever.  it will be fine...

we made tacos for cinco de mayo.  i made refried beans, and corn with mexican seasoning, we had taco sauce, light sour cream, cheddar cheese, tomatoes, and lettuce.  it was delicious.

i've been cooking up lots of oatmeal with pumpkin and walnuts, eating tomato and mozzarella with balsamic vinegar and grapeseed oil, and i've had a couple of soy chicken patties.  last weekend i made the blueberry oatmeal cake from fatfree.com.  i made it with all whole wheat flour and oatmeal.  my mom loved it, so we both finished it off, and i made it again yesterday.  i went to the amish market friday night and bought a bunch of veggies.  my strawberries were delicious, but they just went bad before i could finish them this morning.  and i bought a bunch of things to make a soup.  it was going to be yesterday, but now it will be tomorrow, i think.  i meant to buy kale, but i ended up with red swiss chard.  i got kidney beans and small white beans, a bunch of zucchini from the market, mushrooms, onion, and i found a veggie boullion substance at shop rite!  it was so exciting.  i'll throw in some fire-roasted tomatoes, see what's what.  i think it'll be great.  but, things have gone wrong before, haha.  i also found almond paste at the market, and made candy bars!  it was so good.

it's starting to get to me that this is all i've been writing about since i started.  but really, it's my only good distraction right now.  i've been doing fine for the most part... i got really upset before i fell asleep friday night.  i think it was lingering last night while i was at a birthday party with all my gay friends from the bank, and it's definitely still hitting this morning.  it's so hard to pull myself out of a funk sometimes.  i just don't feel like doing it, like it could be easier to stay in the stupid throws of it.  life is not that bad.  my life, all things considered, honestly, is good.  very good.  but i'm not deciding to be depressed.  most of the time i'm trying hard to get myself away from it, and to keep reminding myself how fine everything is.  sometimes i just can't, though.

i finally went to a yoga class last week.  i went wednesday night.  i'm planning on going every week.  the monday night class might be more what i like--more standing poses and the like.  but tomorrow is the season finale of house; i want to see it.  so perhaps next week i'll try out monday.  it was nice.  i don't know what i'm looking for.

so day one went off not too healthy, but a success all the same.  mom and i made gnocchi.  she used her homemade sauce for them; i was worried that there were meatballs or something cooked in it when she had made it...  it's so weird to me that i noticed a meat flavor, i guess since i was looking for it and had never considered it before.  i already decided not to stress over it.  i read somewhere that small steps in the right direction for vegetarianism or veganism are great, and that it takes baby steps.  i'm still counting yesterday as day one, but i'm considering a learning process, haha.

i had a much better plan for day two, and strangely enough, i think i followed it pretty perfectly.  day one, i had--
breakfast: all bran and strawberries with vanilla soy milk
morning snack: 2% sharp cheddar cheese with poppy and black sesame crackers
lunch: broccoli swirl with marinara sauce, iced tea, and a few french fries
before dinner: two prunes and two mini marshmallow eggs
dinner: gnocchi and
    tomato and fresh mozzarella with grapeseed oil and balsamic vinegar

today was--
breakfast: pumpkin pie oatmeal
morning snack: cheddar cheese with poppy & black sesame crackers
lunch: avocado with cucumber and a soy cherry mango smoothie
afternoon snack: 1/2 pb and jam sandwich
before dinner:  few pieces of chocolate and some american cheese
dinner: cuban black beans and rice
dessert: vanilla yogurt

i feel good about today.  and, though i already decided i don't want to speak out of line about veganim, because it still sort of baffles me a little bit, i think all my major meals were basically vegan-friendly.  that blows my mind.  i had plenty of cheese all day, and just now yogurt, but at lunch, for instance, i ate vegetables, fruit, and soy milk.  and i was happy, and satisfied until something like 3:15 when i had my mini peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  yay having success.  my dad brought home deli turkey and american cheese, however, and it was shocking how fast i almost went for a roll-up.  i reached for it, and then had an earnest pout about it for a second when i realized that's always a downfall for me right after work.  but the american cheese was delicious.  and i didn't mess up!

so that's it!

i had boneless buffalo wings for dinner.  i savored them.  and i didn't change my mind.  i came up with a fairly massive grocery list to ring in my vegetarianism.  for some reason, i put off the trip for a little while.  i ended up getting there around 8--i went to the farther store because it makes me happier than the one in my town.  and i was there for about an hour.  it was good.  i won't say great.  i'm still having a decent amount of trouble finding fun things or specific healthy things like i could up near school, but i'm managing.  i had a really cute conversation with the cashier.  while she was ringing up my five bags' worth of groceries, between the whole wheat flour, multigrain crackers, soy milk, and vegetables, she decided she could make a very fair assumption, and started talking about how she's been trying to eat healthy, and her biggest downfall is chips.  haha.  she said she does good with her veggies, and everyone yells at her because she's so skinny, but she said her insides must be disgusting.  we then proceeded to talk about how she wants to be a homicide detective.  it was so fun.  i didn't mention that i was planning to dive into becoming a vegetarian.  i think it's mostly because if for some reason it doesn't pan out, i don't want to sound like a hypocrite.  so, whatever, that's neither here nor there.  i am stoked about day one tomorrow.  i bought a ton of random things, maybe even more "real food" than i normally buy.  so i don't have to worry about it sustaining me, haha.  i'm not attempting any sort of vegan aspects right now, but i bought vanilla soy milk.  perfect, since we ran out of milk today and i didn't know.  i'll eat yogurt, and cheeses, but just soy milk for the first week or so--that might be my only dairy.  good times.  i bought a ton of avocados, because i decided this afternoon that i desperately want to make guacamole for the happy hour/barbecue on friday.  i was going to make a balsamic pasta salad, so i could eat that as a main meal and not worry about anything else, but i used to make guacamole to take everywhere (not that there were many everywheres), and i miss it.  i love my version so much.  and multigrain tostitos to go with it, not because i think they're healthy whatsoever, but because they are so damned delicious.  i'll deal with people whining about health food, as long as they try them.  this is all, however, if the actual thing pans out.  these things have been canceled more times than not in the past.  but if so, i'll have five delicious avocados to eat all by myself.  they're apparently a great source of all but one of the b vitamins, which i might be lacking soon.  and i read about an amazing-looking recipe posted to a community that is actually just grated and drained cucumber and diced avocado.  oh man.

mom asked if we could make gnocchi tomorrow for dinner.  i said absolutely.  so my first vegetarian dinner won't be a new healthy delicious thing so much as a delicious comforting thing.  i'm perfectly fine with that.  it will make my transition that much less noticeable to me, haha.  so my first day game plan will be: coffee with soy milk and either yogurt and fruit or all-bran and soy milk for breakfast; a caramel rice cake at work; a salad from the salad bar or a protein-fruit-soy milk smoothie for lunch; and gnocchi for dinner!  thursday i want to make cuban black beans and rice with pepper and onion.  i wanted my first big attempt of a meal to be stuffed grape leaves, but i still can't find grape leaves in the grocery stores.  soon, i also want to try making falafel, pineapple kebabs, and baked apples with cheddar and walnuts.  oh, and the blueberry breakfast cake i saw on fatfree.com.  yay.  vegetarianism.

so my final farewell week of meat included everything i'm really saying goodbye to.  I had wonton soup, a reuben, pepperoni bread, a pork roll breakfast sandwich, cheeseburgers, salmon and tuna sushi, and for my "last meal" (though i'm really not sad about it at all), i'm going to have boneless buffalo wings.  the day is fast approaching.  for some reason, i'm almost nervous about it.  i keep thinking about it and hoping that i don't mess up.  i know that's silly, obviously, i'm just ready for an adjustment period... i have a barbecue/happy hour on friday after work.  everyone's bringing a dish, though, so i'll just bring a veggie pasta salad; i love that, so if it's all i eat there, it will be fine.  still, i don't want to jump into it.  that's why i thought about it for a while, and gave myself a few days to eat meaty things.  really, i don't usually anyway.  this is just me, like, declaring it to myself, haha.  i'm a little apprehensive about my reception around here, if and when it comes out to my parents that "i've gone away from meat for a while," which is what i decided to just casually throw out there if they ask why i'm only eating potatoes at family dinners, which is going to be the case for a little while.  they can't be too pissed about it.  whatever, they don't understand me a decent amount of the time, but i think we're learning how to deal with each other.  and really, there is no reason i should feel the need to wait until i move out; it's my body--now that i've become an after-school special--and if this is what i want, i should be able to do it just fine where i am right now.  i'm so excited.  i guess because it seems like a big deal to me.  i guess that's a positive attitude to have about it, since it's what i decided i want to do.  :-)

this is the first time anything stock like this has hit so close to home.  i got my cards read at my last memorial day trip, which was incredible.  but it was very specific, not like this.


"The life of the Twins is a life of ease and unfading youth spent in the arms of love."  (Manilius, 1st Century)

As a symbol, the Twins have several different meanings for Geminis.  They are most commonly associated with a dual or two-sided personality.  Often this is related to a Gemini being very flexible and adaptable, thus like two different personalities.  The ruling planet of Gemini is Mercury, the planet of communication, and so The Twins also symbolise interaction and exchanging ideas.

Gemini's element is air, which represents some core human behaviours such as movement and it's also seen as a strong intellectual symbol.  The power of the mind is strong among Geminis, breeding many thinkers and communicators.  It can also represent freedom of speech. A fresh wind could also indicate new beginnings.

As previously mentioned, Geminis are great communicators and thus enjoy talking and socializing.  An above average number of them work in the media, and they are also said to make persuasive sales people.  Geminis are also lively and great at multi-tasking, but there is a down side to their characters.  A Gemini can be a restless spirit that is easily bored.  They are also filled with nervous energy that can lead to stress and depression.

Geminis often have a love of adventure, change, and new experiences, so often seek out those with similar characteristics.  Geminis are at their best with other Geminis, and also get on well with Libra and Aquarius, the other air signs.  The fire signs of Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius do find common ground with a Gemini, but the relationships don't often go as deep as with an air sign.

the mcdonald's was everything i was hoping it would be.  very delicious, and tasted like my middle school years.  mom and i would go out for fast food every friday night.  it was pretty nice, but seriously not the healthiest thing for a kid to be eating so frequently.  so delicious cheeseburgers today, but i'm not at all sad to be saying goodbye.  i had a few bites of beef roast with provolone cheese tonight.  so i'm officially peacing out from red meat today.  tomorrow i'm going to rejoice in what i plan on being a significant amount of real sushi tomorrow, and my finale on tuesday i think is going to be boneless buffalo wings.

one of the first things i want to get serious with in the kitchen after this transformation is a take on something i had on the memorial day camping trip two years ago.  the couple from morocco brought dolmades--stuffed grape leaves in tomato sauce.  there was some sort of meat in them i think.  i honestly couldn't figure out at the time what they were stuffed with, just the grape leaves themselves were so delicious.  they tasted like a meal of wine.  it was incredible.  i haven't found them in stores yet, but i haven't actively been pursuing them.

this version includes onion, rice, vegetable broth, tomato sauce, raisins, pine nuts, olive oil, mint, and parsley.  stuffed grape leaves.  this is going to be so fun.

( six )</div>

next mission for 2009: learn my limits more so than i have in the past.  the beginning of last night was a blast.  the end, decidedly not so much.  i'm so thankful that i had eric and his dog peanut to take care of me.  eric drove me to his house to crash (well, the plan was to lay down until i could drive my car home, since i got kicked out of the bar.  not for being insubordinate, obviously, but for being in the bathroom curled around the toilet for upwards of 45 minutes.  did i mention how awesome i am when it comes to drinking?  yeah.  great.), and the very large and protective peanut sat by my side on the couch all night because he knew i wasn't feeling well.  now that i can logically think about it, it was very adorable.

i did have a scrumptious reuben for dinner, which i didn't even realize was missing from my meats-wanted list!  i'm glad i got it in.  and i'm still set about the 29th being the day.  i realize it might sound like otherwise.  i just wanted time to say goodbye, haha.  i believe i'm heading to mcdonald's right now for lunch.  good times.  i'm making up my hello-to-vegetarianism grocery list for tuesday night.  i'm strangely excited.  hilarious, considering how excited i also am for my first cheeseburger in something like two or three years.

atonement $9.99 new; $6.49 from belles-books
the jane austen book club $10.49 new;
elizabethtown $6.49 new
requiem for a dream $10.99 new {from mightysilver, fulfilled by amazon}
storytelling $10.97 from inetvvideo {next price: $30.87}
happiness $10.99 new

hope is not found in a way out, but a way through: robert frost

so, so far, the year has not been doing me good.  well, really i guess i haven't been doing myself good.  i did get myself out of a turning-not-so-good situation, which for the time being, still left me hurting.  it's all for the better, though.

i've also found myself completely cut from a really close friendship, that was probably my longest running one.  that was also a not-so-great relationship i was holding on to, and really, it might be better this way.  i'll just never be one to casually dismiss people from my life; i was invested, like always.

these severed ties also bring me to another tragedy--the loss of my labor day weekend trip, feasibly forever.  i know how ridiculous this is--how much this affects me--since it was a relationship that spanned two weekends total out of my whole life... but it was so good.  i honestly think he was one of my favorite people.  and i think now that it doesn't have the chance to get spoiled, i'll always think of him that way.  i'd still prefer the option to hash it all out a little more, maybe make it a little more real.  but i digress.  i suppose that's not in the cards for me.  both years, i had the best conversations there, around the campfire, at four in the morning.  even when i was there, i wondered if i would ever find somewhere else i was just so happy to be in the moment.  i know i'm sounding melodramatic, but sometimes i guess that's the only way i can sound.

so.  in light of sounding so morose recently, i've been thinking... obviously.  2009 has really only just started.  {i'll curse myself for saying that later, since it seems that no matter to what i'm referring, i'll look back after the fact and wonder where the time went.  regardless.}  this whole year can end up very differently than how it began.  it doesn't have to be a year of lost relationships, friendships, purposes.  i've been having a hell of a time trying to "figure myself out," and frankly, i feel pretty spent with the whole thing.  i obviously can't stop working on it, trying to hash it out, deciding what the fuck to do with myself in long run, but i can make a solid effort to calm down over the whole thing, worry about it less, and {oh dear} let the chips fall where they may.  clearly this is harder for me than it should ever be, but all i can do is attempt it.

i think this year could turn out to be the year that i take up yoga, become a vegetarian, become a runner, learn to play guitar.  i can probably come up with a few more.  but i'm getting very tired.

i have set the date.  wednesday, april 29 will be my first day vegetarian.  i'm finishing up all my favorite carnivorous meals. list:
   saturday's breakfast: pork roll egg and cheese sandwich
   sunday lunch / monday dinner: cheeseburgers
   monday's lunch: sushi
   monday dinner / sunday lunch: roast beef and cheddar sandwich
   tuesday's dinner: boneless buffalo wings

and then, in keeping with trying to be less dismal, i started coming up with all my yummy, healthy, new {and also old and comforting} meal options, starting 04.29!:
breakfasts--chocolate chip pancakes; coffee; english muffins with laughing cow cheese wedges; feta and spinach omelets; onion hash browns; bagels with cream cheese; veggie eggwhite flatbreads; oatmeal with walnuts; yogurt with fresh berries; english muffins with jam and margarine
lunches--hummus and french bread; bean and cheese burritos; peanut butter and jelly sandwiches; salads with dried cranberries, blue cheese, sunflower seeds, tomatoes; broccoli swirls; moo shu veggies; subway veggie subs; fruit and protein smoothies
snacks--guacamole with pita chips; fake chicken nuggets with barbecue sauce; artichoke and cheese bites
suppers--wheat pasta with vodka sauce; not-dogs and black bean burgers; pierogies; cuban black beans and rice; grilled asparagus, tomatoes, zucchini; soup with kale and beans; mexican macaroni and cheese with fake beef; avocado with cucumber; roasted potatoes with french onion soup mix and sour cream; soy chicken patties and bbq sauce with mashed potatoes and veggies

for the most part, the wedding was a blast.  our dresses were lovely.  my hair was huge, so i wasn't altogether thrilled, but everyone else loved it.  i wooed the sole single guy there, but then he proceeded to get wasted and mopily hang about me.  I did, however, enjoy the early evening compliments and back rubs.  the bride was gorgeous, still smiling and in her dress at 2am, and chowing down on cheese steaks with the remaining few still standing at 3am.  i look forward to my next wedding, in august, where i will have a much bigger gaggle of friends, or even people i know, to celebrate with.  but after all of that, it was a nice, fun weekend.